When it comes to marriage counseling, it's important to understand that you can only control yourself. Acknowledging your feelings and practicing being vulnerable in small steps is a great way to start building the trust you need to be more open with your partner. Talking about minor issues such as schedules or meals is a good starting point before tackling more important issues, such as disciplining children or finances. Forgiveness is also key in gaining trust.
Recognize if your partner has learned to think negatively about you because of the things you've done and learn to talk about your needs and feelings. Share the reasons why you did what you did and ask for forgiveness, explaining why you will never repeat your mistake. Give your spouse an opportunity to tell you what to do to regain trust. Your counselor will guide you to become aware of how each of you may be sabotaging the success of the relationship.
Usually, two couples are too close to the situation (and are too emotional) to decipher the patterns, but with help, those habits become evident and can be prevented. By asking questions about marriage counseling, you can find out what things your spouse would like to change about you and work on those issues. Couples who are going through major problems and aren't getting along believe that marriage therapy is the way to go. Try to find ways to reignite the spark, such as sharing fantasies or going to a marriage counseling retreat. If one or both partners have “ended” the relationship, marriage counseling is not likely to be effective.
Unless you both give a resounding yes to the divorce, therapy is worth trying as a way to save your marriage from divorce. It's not uncommon for the average person to imagine that marriage therapy is the furthest thing from romantic. Marriage therapy isn't recommended for couples struggling with domestic violence or for those who are already “detached” from the relationship. For marriage counseling to be successful, couples must understand that it's important to take turns expressing their thoughts. If you're worried that your relationship has reached a point of no return, one of the most obvious questions in marriage counseling is whether you should stay together. In addition to a couple's lack of trust or willingness to change in therapy, there are mistakes counselors can make that can affect the effectiveness of marriage counseling. Marriage counseling should provide a safe space for both partners to express their thoughts and feelings.
One way to do this is in the Mort Fertel marriage tele-training camp, which is a home-based marriage renewal program, in which participants learn the three pillars of marital trust. Marriage therapy won't magically erase the past or fix any problem with little or no effort on your part. Marriage counseling is just one tool that will help you better understand the roles that you and your partner play in the relationship.
